For the first time this week I have relinquished control of the steering wheel as we
meander our way through the Midwest on this years family vacation. To get my eyes off the road and avoid being criticized as a back seat driver (as if the assortment of screams, gasps, and less-than-silent prayers I hear Sweetness utter couldn’t be considered back seat driving!) I thought I would take a few minutes to recap some of the Significant “facts” and observations I’ve been able to make this week.
1. Turning 42 is such a Significant milestone in life that it sometimes earns you the AARP rate on hotel rooms. Thanks Sweetness!
2. Fathers Day is a Significant day to ask for things you know there is no way in h-e-l-l you would otherwise get permission to do. Like requesting the whole family eat breakfast at a greasy spoon. A very greasy spoon! Thank you again Sweetness!
3. It is In-Significant to be in possession of more than one tooth to get hired as the greeter at the Waffle House. Everyone in the restaurant industry knows that a good first impression increases sales. So, as long as your stained dress shirt covers most of your belly, your beard is combed, and you smile… wide, you’re in business!
4. There is a Significant percentage of the female population that straps on a bikini, stands in front of the mirror, and says, “heck ya! I look gooood!” before marching out the door to impress everyone at the hotel pool.
5. There is a Significantly large percentage of men who lack the intestinal fortitude necessary to block the door and beg those woman to NOT walk out the door looking like that! Suck it up guys and spare the rest of us relaxing poolside from having to roll our eyes into the backs of our heads.
6. It is a Significant fact of life worth teaching your kids that tourists towns are built for the sole purpose of separating you from your hard earned money. “They” don’t want to take your picture to commemorate your visit to see their show. They want you to PAY for it. They don’t put a band on stage before hand just to enjoy the music. They want you to BUY their new cd. They don’t arrange the only exit from the theater to go through the gift shop because it was the only place to fit it in. They want you to buy that trinket that is guaranteed to break within 15 minutes of getting in the car. It’s all planned that way to bleed you of all your cash. Slowly but surely. Full-Disclosure time here: I fell for buying the cd but, honestly, who can resist good bluegrass music?
7. There is a Significant portion of this country that pays substantially less for gasoline than I do in Northwest Indiana! And that’s not cool. I mean 50 cents or more less than I do. I find that terribly unfair. That just seems like discrimination to me. Yes, save me all that Economics 101 supply and demand stuff. I get it. I just don’t like it.
8. Lastly, there is a Significant portion of the population that does not have a clue how to drive on the massive grid of Interstate Highways that we are blessed to have at our disposal to transport us about this great nation. It’s actually pretty simple people. Right lane is for drive. The middle lane is for drive faster. The left lane is mine. If you find me dusting your bumper and flashing my lights that means get over, you’re driving too slow. I have some place more Significant to be.
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